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January 23, 2011
Oneupmanship.
It's easy to talk, innit? Doesn't cost anything either. And the amount of work you don't have to do is a beautiful thing! Seriously, have you wasted your life?
This year we've decided to challenge ourselves to stop squawking about how deadening and intrinsically unredemptive and dumb video games (for just one example) are, and actually do something about it. Our idea is to create a completely original board game that is the perfect antidote to the mostly mindless p.c. mush that passes for entertainment these days — smart, hard, wicked and cheeky, full of big numbers, big egos, heart and charm, winners and losers!
And we're going to document the process, warts and thrill (thwarts and will?) and all, starting today.
This is the innocent-enough text that began the begin.
Share on Facebook | Can I offer some advice?
January 10, 2011
Double-reverse psychology.
If you're anything like us you're pretentious as hell, and don't have any self-esteem issues, but you also have a sly side. So here's what you do: put this jokey Uppityshirt on and people will think you're clever and they'll laugh right past your overweening self-absorption. Genius!
Depending on how many wordy egomaniacs there are our there, this may be a limited-edition Uppityshirt, so click here to order yours ASAP. Not. There are so many wrymeisters around it's sure to be a big-time best-seller.
Share on Facebook | Dear Me,
December 27, 2011
"Look, Chadwick, a manual for us."
We'd like to start this product launch off with a big-name quote, which we're probably going to mangle a little bit, but Shopenhauer said something like "We often mistake the limits of our vision for the limits of the world." The Official Uppity Handbook is not a book per se, but will be an on-going attempt to broaden our horizons, and maybe even teach a practical thing or two, while having fun and showing our usual cheek in a how-to sort of way.
Recalcitrance doesn't come with instructions, and is more nuance and attitude than step-by-step, but we're going to give you our impish spin on it.
Seriously, some of the stuff we're planning on showing you is pretty technical and assumes a certain level of basic education and general intelligence, so before you read on you should have at least a layman's understanding of at minimum four of the following:
Xeno's Paradox; the root cause of the War of 1812; the difference between dative and ablative (in Latin); spankers, gennys and spinnakers; how to calculate the speed of light using only a microwave oven and a kitchen timer; and, finally, 3 reasons why someone like Friedrich Schwinge preferred painting with gouache rather than water color when doing landscapes, for example—otherwise, you might feel slightly... inadequate. And you should.
Without further ado:
Brain surgery is not... rocket science.
(To start off parenthetically with an aside, brain surgery is not rocket science. That doesn't mean it's a piece of cake, but it's not like you're trying to send someone to the dark side of the moon and back or anything.)
First thing you're going to need is a patient. Preferably one with a brain tumor. If you can't find one with an actual tumor, find someone you don't like, or who's dumb anyway in case something goes wrong. As an aikido teacher I read about once very succinctly put it: sometimes you have to waste a guy to restore harmony to the situation.
Read on...
December 22, 2011
Ho, ho, ho! Ha, ha, ha!
Keep your eyes peeled for the debut of "The Official Uppity Handbook" — which we're going to foist upon an unsuspecting world next Wednesday, whether you like it or not! Thanks for another flambastical, fun year wordtards!
December 15, 2011
Guy walks into a bar...
The people have spoken! We're happy to say that all of the final 8 Entries did get votes, including ours (whew!), but the winner by a landslide with 68 thumbs-up is:
This is a one-off, limited-edition Uppityshirt so click here to get yours ASAP.
Congrats to P. Larry Nelson, who will receive the first one hot off the press, and to all those who entered, or sent in their votes, or who have bothered to read this far.
Share on Facebook | I'll drink to that!
December 12, 2011
One Up!® everyone on your list.
We are thrilled that Real Simple magazine selected One Up!® as a 'Snow-Day Staple' this year, which has inundated us with new orders. To say thanks to all you word snobs/nerds/lovers for all your enthusiasm and support, we're offering a real simple discount — just use coupon code 'realsmart' at checkout and get 10% off your entire order right now. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
Share on Facebook | Dear Mr. Write
December 7, 2011
Contestious.
Ouch! We haven't been hazed this bad since we were doing basic training back in '79. No kidding. So many of you wrote in and we won't say lambasted us, but maybe figuratively flayed is a better word choice for first of all using an expletive in our blog announcing the results of the Dry (wit) T-Shirt Contest. We made the practically fatal error of trying to describe our own creative efforts as an "amateur sh&#show" compared to the clever and witty entries we received, and then you really lit into us with our selection of "Eschew Obfuscation" as the overall winner. Fair enough.
Since everyone's an expert, we thought we'd ask our dear readers to choose the "Runner Up" from the following list, which we've winnowed down to what we think are the 8 Best. We've also included our own 2 entries, since we still haven't learned a thing about humility, and we are intentionally leaving out all comments and fanfare. Send your pick(s) in no later than Sunday to Dear Mr. Wrong...
Droit D'oubli (The Right to Oblivion)
Sondra Solomon
eaT Shirt
Bill Lieske
Kvetch-22 — a problem you cannot complain about
Jared Pace
Bartender, I'll take an entendre — make it a double.
P. Larry Nelson
Non-Sequitur
Josh Dym
Solipsists Unite!
Beverly Sanford
Pretentious? Moi?
Got recalcitrance?
The Uppityshirts Crew
December 3, 2011
Soaked.
Are you kidding? We thought we were clever, funny and original and then 90% of the entries to our Dry (wit) T-Shirt Contest made our best efforts look like an amateur freakshow. Thanks for sending us back to therapy — we thought we were over our low self-esteem issues.
Seriously, here are the Top 25 entries, in no particular order, with the winner announced at the end for dramatic (and comic?) effect. Drum roll please.
Read 'em and weep...
December 3, 2011
Uptown Vibe
First, a shout out to Uppity friend and CT Press Club Publication of the Year Winner Geoffrey Morris over at Bedford, Fairfield, Litchfield, Ridgefield, and Wilton Magazines - thanks for the great (Town)Vibe you've got going on over there.
Starting today, Morris Media readers who jot down "merrylaxmas" in the coupon code box at checkout will get 10% off their entire order.
If you live in the area, you can save the cost of shipping by popping by the studio and picking up your order in person. We're almost always open (which reminds me of a tow truck I saw recently that advertised "23 1/2 hour service"), and you're always welcome. If you call us up and use a magic word or two, we might even hand-deliver our recalcitrance right to your door.
Seriously, ring us anytime (203) 451-5127.
Share on Facebook | Dear Mr. Write
November 26, 2011
Dry (wit) T-Shirt Contest
We've decided to have some fashionable fun to kick off the holiday season and run a Dry (wit) T-Shirt Contest with our good friends over at Wordsmith.org. The rules are simple: Show everyone how clever and smart you are by coming up with an original t-shirt slogan, using either a play on words, or a wry turn of phrase - for example: 'Got Recalcitrance?' or, 'Pretentious? Moi?' Winner will have his or her idea become an actual t-shirt; runner-up will receive the brand-new (and sure to be collectible) Wordsmith t-shirt 'AWAD to the wise is sufficient.'
HOW TO ENTER - Email your entries to Dry Wit no later than Friday. One entry per person. Please include your contact information.
Share on Facebook | How about this idea?
November 11, 2011
'Wit Happens' is Happening.
Marketing 101 says to listen carefully to your customers, which we aren't really good at doing, but we thought we'd try it for a change. So here's your chance to be heard: we came up with the Uppityshirt 'Wit Happens' last night in our sleep and woke up this morning not knowing for sure if it was a winner or not. So we'll put it to you - is it worth our while to print this one up?
UPDATE: Thanks to everyone who wrote to us about 'Wit Happens' - you've been listened to (I almost wrote 'lied to') and heard. Stay tuned for the verdict!
UPDATE X 2: Calling all wit-heads - it's here! And it's a first-come, first-served so order yours today!
Share on Facebook | Power to the people!
November 4, 2011
Not Entirely Powerless.
We've been without power since last Saturday (Ugh!) but have found that rising to the occasion (with humor and impunity) is our theoretical philosophy of life. In reality, we've been whining and complaining and cursing with the best of them. And the kids have been out of school the whole week - goodbye spring break. Ha!
Seriously, the weather's been so balmy and beautiful we actually went sailing on Wednesday. Don't need electricity for that.
Upfront apologies for all the delays and screw ups - we should be back on the grid later today, and back on track tomorrow. Fingers crossed!
Share on Facebook | Here's my freak-storm story
October 16, 2011
Love, by the numbers.
We recently read a below-the-radar article by J. David Martin on the "Mathematical 'Theory' of Coital Frequency in Marriage" which we found fascinating and thankfully false, in our case anyway. If by any chance you haven't read it, we'll sum it up simply, if not very poetically:
C (i + 1)= 1/2 C (i)
where C stands for (insert euphemism here), and i is year of marriage.
Seriously, we've converted the equation into the perfect wedding gift.
Share on Facebook | Let me tell YEW a funny story
October 11, 2011
Naming names.
We've been getting a lot of Damn-I-wish-I-thought-of-that entries to the "State (your name)" contest, so we thought we'd share some of them with you.
Dorothy Smith writes: "Not my idea, but right up your alley. We live in Bellingham, Washington. We are called (no kidding) - Bellinghamsters."
An anonymous email came in with this: "Not many bright people where I live - how about 'Floridumb?'" That's good, but let's change it slightly to "Floriduh?"
From the mysterious "Taxman", who sent in: "Hawaiy'all - preferred by the southern occupants of the Aloha State."
Jon Kimball chimed in with: "Well, of course, there is 'Oregonfishin' and that is what I'm going to do rather than play silly word games."
Michelle List made us chuckle with this: "I come from Babylon, Long Island, NY, and a lot of my former neighbors were 'Babblonandoners.'"
And finally, John Higgins: "I love your TEXIST t-shirt concept (says more as an identifier than Connetiquette - sorry.) But how could you resist the obvious WISCONSINNER for cheese heads? Or ILLANNOYING for that matter?"
Keep up the excellent effort.
Share on Facebook | Show us what you've got
October 3, 2011
One Up! Cup October 2011
Brain Unit - holler back! Every month we'll post a One Up! 'game situation' so you word heads out there can show everyone how brilliant and quick you are.
Here's all you need to know now to play: take one or more letters from the center and add them to any existing word to make a new word.
Note: In this case the 'Uppity' tile is the letter "E", but can be changed to any letter when forming a new word.
Since there won't be a 'right' answer, we'll be looking for originality, wit and wow! The winner will receive a One Up! and have his or her name put in the drawing for the Grand Prize at the end of the year, which will be a $250 gift certificate for all the fun cool stuff at Uppityshirts.com
Share on Facebook | Enter now | Buy One Up!
September 15, 2011
*It's Official.
One Up! isn't what it used to be; it's now One Up!®. However, we're happy to report that our recalcitrance still remains unregistered.
August 28, 2011
One Up! Cup September 2011
Here are some of the very clever responses so far:
Greetings Mr. Write,
Supposed to start exercising today but exercising my mind
instead... I see I will increase my droolage indeed :-p
dolor + age = droolage
This was a fast first entry for fun - I see you mentioned that last month's winner sent several submissions so I can submit more?
Cheers for this fabulous game!
Shari, Pittsburgh, PA
STROPPY + AEGHR = TYPOGRAPHERS
Jeffrey L. Schwartz, New York, NY
But Yolanda Esquer tops them all with this entry:
STAGS + HE = GASHEST
adv - Having keen insight [adj shrewder, shrewdest] : shrewdly
n - Knowledge
v - To make a long deep cut in
Congrats Yolanda, and thanks to everyone who entered.
Share on Facebook | Enter now | Buy One Up!
August 9, 2011
Soggy cereal?
Another 100% true 'Fatherhood in Fifty' story from one day back around very late May. Let's call it early June. Most school mornings I get up and get the kids ready, walk them out to the bus around quarter to eight, and then come back to the house. The Wife goes to work around 8 or so, and then I'm able to go to the bathroom. Kidding.
So the kids are off on the bus, and I'm sitting in the kitchen - I'm just about to have breakfast - when she comes down to go to work. Except she's doesn't; she's standing there in a bathrobe.
The Wife: "Hello."
Me: "'Hello' or 'hello hello'?"
The Wife: "Hello hello."
Me: "But I just poured the milk on my Grape Nuts."
Share on Facebook | Ha ha very funny
July 20, 2011
Hands to work...
and heads... to the beach! Seriously, beasty heat around here, so just laying low and catching up on reading. Like Lewis Hyde's review of Richard Sennett's book 'The Craftsman' where he quotes simple stuff, "making is thinking," and "learning to work well enables people to govern themselves and so become good citizens" that I find I couldn't agree more with. Hyde goes on to say that Sennet sees a undeniable link between what philosopher Wittgenstein learned by building a house, for example, and the turn that his philosophy subsequently took, away from rigorous logic and toward a playful, tossed-salad mix of common speech, paradox and parable.
'The Craftsman' lays out the many (old school!) lessons to be learned by working with one's hands, and Hyde says his favorite involves four different recipes by four different chefs, each trying to explain how to prepare a famous French dish - a boned chicken, stuffed and glazed - known as poulet a la d'Albufera:
One chef simply lists each step in the flattest of language ("force the flesh loose"), a style Sennett calls "dead denotation." Another - Julia Child - writes the narrative with empathy for a timid beginner; a third says very little about the actual preparations, describing instead how a French cook might approach the barnyard to choose the right hen.
Finally we come to one Madame Benshaw, from whom Sennett once took a cooking class. An Iranian refugee, Madame Benshaw had poor English (stuffing the bird, she would hold up an ingredient she had found in the market, neither she nor her pupils knowing its name). Prevailed upon to write out a recipe, she took a month to produce the following:
"Your dead child. Prepare him for new life. Fill him with the earth. Be careful! He should not overeat. Put on his golden coat. You bathe him. Warm him but be careful! A child dies from too much sun. Put on his jewels. This is my recipe."
If you'd like to read the entire enlightening review, click here.
Share on Facebook | Comments (from the peanut gallery)
July 13, 2011
Like Father, like Son (of a Gun).
Apropos of nothing in particular, except I just thought of it, was a question my son Neuman asked me back when he was around four years old. I was in the kitchen making a bacon-y breakfast when he came up to me and said, all big-man innocent:
"Dad, do you want to go out and break the law?"
After I stopped laughing, 3 different answers came to mind:
1.) I already did.
2.) Do you mean today?
3.) I'd love to, Neuman, but I've got some vacuuming to do.
How would you answer it? Best/funniest response to Arrested Development gets you any Uppityshirt product, and there's a bunch of fun junk to choose from.
Share on Facebook | Argy-bargy
July 1, 2011
Word (of Mouth).
I was just reading an article in Inc. magazine about the most cost-effective ways to advertise: banner ads, SEO, direct mail etc., and the bottom line is word of mouth still trumps everything, by a mile. Big surprise. With some sort of incentive of course - after all, we're human aren't we?
With that in mind, we're going to run a Boys (and Girls) of Summer Promotion: recommend us to 3 friends (just cc: mr.write@uppityshirts.com), and we'll offer you (and all of them) FREE SHIPPING on everything until Labor Day.
In addition, the smart-aleck who recommends us to the most friends will also get the Uppityshirt product of his/her choice.
Thanks for paying attention up until now, and happy summering!
Share on Facebook | Comments (from the cheap seats)
June 14, 2011
Simply Terrific!
Just got a great shout out from Simply Stacie. Thanks Jeannie D. & Crew for the kind words, especially the "I WANT THAT." and overall fun review.
Share on Facebook | Dear Mr. Write
May 30, 2011
Went down looking (good).
We had 30 family members here for a Memorial Day BBQ, and cousin 'T-Train' wanted to model our newest update on the classic Backwards K we've been selling from the very beginning. So there.
Sidebar: We also had some real moonshine we got from a reputable (or should I say 'disreputable') source in North Carolina on hand, and passed it around. Ridiculous!
If you're intrigued, here's an excellent NYT article on the nothing-is-new-under-the-sun 'white dog' comeback scene: Just Don't Call it Moonshine.
Share on Facebook | Sincerely (up) yours
May 25, 2011
Low down.
'Fatherhood in Fifty' (see 'Dadtard' below for the lowdown) continues with an episode from Father's Day last year. We are all five seated at the dining room table, having a special dinner for me.
The Wife: Ok, we're going to go around the table and everyone's going to say something they love about dad.
Cate: Can I start?
The Wife: Go ahead, Cate.
Cate: What I love about dad is when I'm sick he makes me feel better until mom comes home.
Share on Facebook | Hello
May 15, 2011
Wickid Fun.
Spent yesterday afternoon at the 'Kids on the Loose' Fair at the Weston Historical Society, sponsored by Norfield Children's Center and headed up by our good friend Mary Nosenzo. We featured our wickid Uppityshirt (which fit in perfectly with the theme), but some of our other designs seemed to be popular too. Here's one of our coolest buddies, Russ Goodwin, with his charming daughter Ripley.
Share on Facebook | Here's my 2 cents worth
April 22, 2011
Are you relay smart?
We were approached by a local high school 'Relay for Life' team to sponsor their upcoming all-night walk to raise awareness and funds for cancer research. So we came up with a Wilton, Connetiquette Uppityshirt to mark the occasion, and we'll play our part by donating $5 of every purchase to The American Cancer Society Relay For Life - all you have to do is enter coupon code 'relaysmart' at checkout!
UPDATE: David Gumins (our official 'Brand Champion' and Relay for Life Team Leader) and his crew just got a write-up in the local paper the Wilton Villager - thanks Danielle Capalbo for putting an excellent pen to paper on our behalf!
Share on Facebook | Running commentary
April 9, 2011
Friendship is Awesome.
How about this picture for 1,000 words-worth? I don't know why but it reminds of Meryl Streep in 'Out of Africa' making her farewell toast in the Muthaiga Club to 'rose-lipped maidens and light foot lads." Lax is for life.
Share on Facebook | Talk it up
March 31, 2011
Dadtard.
I had written a very infrequent blog a few years ago called 'Fatherhood in Fifty' which was basically 50-word (or fewer) snippets from my life as a doormat husband, that were so priceless and classic you know I couldn't have made them up. I initially got the idea from the emails I sent to my dad while the kids were all in diapers, and then continued because they were so cathartic and comical, on the re-reading of course.
I always started out the email with 'Dad, it's bad...' and then went on to relate the latest funny/unfunny happening, usually with a punchline that was mostly unintentionally very clever, and kind of existential at the same time. To give you an example, here's one of my favorites:
Cate (4-years old) and I are riding in the car, on the way to school, or Dunkin' Donuts.
Cate: Dad, do you want to play the body-parts rhyming game?
Me: Sure.
Cate: Ok, you start.
Me: Toes.
Cate: Nose!
Me: Good one Cate! Your turn.
Cate (deadpan): Tasshole.
I'm not making this stuff up. I wish I could - then I'd go to Hollywood and rake it in. Seriously, I've had several people ask me to reprise the series, so maybe now that I've turned half a century old I'll rename it 'Fatherhood AT Fifty'. When I told a friend about it he said I should call it 'Dadtard'. Haven't decided yet, but here's the first one:
The kids are home from school having a snack when Neuman (my 7-year old son) asks me, out of the blue:
Neuman: Dad, what's your favorite animal?
Me: What's yours Neuman?
Neuman: I love tigers. They are strong and friendly. What's yours dad?
Me: Your mother.
Neuman: She's not an animal!
Me: Oh yes she is, Neuman, yes she is.
Share on Facebook | Love this idea
January 20, 2011
Old School.
We thought we'd kick start the year with our basic, no-frills Old's Cool Uppityshirt. It's for people who aren't afraid to string a few hyphenated adjectives together, who can punch (and kiss) above their weight, and who like to roll up their sleeves and actually get their hands dirty - without apologizing afterward.
Share on Facebook | Write us
January 18, 2010
Made in Chinamerica.
All we can think of right now to start this paragraph off is the cliche 'slow boat to China', except in this case it's 'from'. Seriously, the sad but inevitable result of the mass manufacturing exodus from this country that has taken place during the past 30 or so years means we can't realistically source all of our stuff here, try as we might. So, we have to have our One Up! tiles custom-made in a facility outside of Shanghai, and we have to jump through a lot of logistical and bureaucratic hoops to get them. Which means right now it's hurry up and wait.
Meantime, we're working on another new product launch as we speak, and it may even be ready in time for Valentine's Day. Which would be kind of funny, once you see what it is. Sign up for our newsletter, and be among the first to find out.
Share on Facebook | Holla back
December 14, 2010
Sold Out.
We're very rarely caught with our pants down, unintentionally at least, but we've been totally blown away by the response to our 'realsmart' promotion and have completely sold out (as of 9:00 p.m. tonight) of One Up!s. As usual, our brainy subscribers got the first crack at it and one upped just about everyone else, including the many Real Simple readers suffering severely from cabin fever, it seems, who ordered as many as 4 at a pop. And it isn't even technically winter yet.
The good news: because of our laughable inventory-management system, we've extended the 'realsmart' discount until 15th Jan. However, orders will not be fulfilled until after new shipment arrives (approx. 28th Jan).
We at Uppityshirts want to say a heartfelt, thanks so much for supporting our 'naive, quixotic adventure', and wish you all the best in 2011!
Share on Facebook | Put pen to paper
October 9, 2010
Word World.
We don't usually toot our own horn, mostly because we have no reason to, but we just got a copy of TYPOSHIRT ONE in the mail and was happy to see they included our "mr. write" in the 'Black and White' chapter.
Editor Christopher Blomquist lays out the theme of the book in his introduction:
"While every fashion item is a reflection of its time, the T-shirt has long stood apart from other items of apparel as a true mirror of society's current trends, news stories, thoughts and zeitgeist. A casual wardrobe staple of the western world since the 1950's... cheap to produce, comfortable to wear and easy to decorate, this most democratic of wardrobe pieces is also unique in that it allows its wearer to "make a fashion statement" - literally - and all without uttering a single word. In many ways, the slogan T-shirt was, and continues to be, the original 'Instant Message."
Share on Facebook | Share on Email
October 7, 2010
Wake Up!
Gonzo on Coffee Contest - I remember when I was living in Germany the cafe around the corner had a 'Black Breakfast,' which was simply a cup of coffee, no cream or sugar, and a filterless cigarette. I think it cost a Mark at the time. Great memory. Anyway, take a deep morning breath and tell us in 25 fidgety words or so why you're such a coffee freak, or send us a raw, original, caffeine-themed picture (1,000 words-worth) and we'll give the best of each a free caffiend Uppityshirt. By Monday morning.
Share on Facebook | Good morning
September 30, 2010
Uppityshirts-a-mundo.
Due to popular demand, and our own insatiable appetite for world domination, we are going to try, once again, to resume exporting our attitude overseas. If you happen to live in England, Australia, Austria, Germany, or New Zealand, you can now have your recalcitrance delivered via U.S. Mail for a mere $20 flat fee, or FREE if you order more than $125 worth. Beat that!
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